Top 7 tips on Handling Bridezilla
Girls become bridezilla’s because their stress levels are out of control
For many girls planning a wedding is stressful:
- It is the first thing they have ever had to organise a major event;
- Research shows that 70% of girls feel that they are not good enough and don’t measure up. This gets exacerbated during wedding season;
- They may never have been in control of spending so much money in one go;
- Their major fantasy has the potential to come true or to be dashed;
- Family structures and relationships are changing and this is rarely acknowledged or spoken about;
- The bride has to manage the emotional complexities of families, vendors, the groom, the bridal party;
- The bride is often unsupported by the groom not through intention. It is more that the male species don’t really seem to care about colour schemes, invitations, if the cake is white mud cake or chocolate mud cake;
- The bride is often not the only one trying to get their needs met. Quite often parents, bridesmaids, relatives and friends are trying to get their needs met as well.
Handling the Bridezilla!
1. Help the Bride to articulate her dream. Let go of what you want and find out what she wants. This will reduce conflict and false expectations.
2. Set clear budget expectations with the bride. Bridezilla’s often emerge when they don’t have a clear budget. Budgets bring security and boundaries. Weddings provide a wonderful opportunity for the bride and groom to learn budgeting skills. A lot of stress arises because parents are not clear with their children about what they will contribute. Boundaries and expectations stay muddy and this in turn creates muddy relationships.
3. Define your relationship with the Bride. Ask the bride how she wants you to be involved. Does she want you visiting vendors? If she does then you need to help her with her dream and not with yours.
If she chooses to do all the details by herself this frees you up to be in a support role. You get to take the bride out for de stress coffee moments where she can just off load her stress to you.
Here are some questions that might be useful:
- “How are you coping with the plans for the wedding?”
- “What are your big no compromise rocks?”
- “When was the last time you had time out from the planning and just enjoyed yourself?”
- “How are you feeling about getting married?”
- “What are you enjoying most at the moment?”
- “Is there anything you need help with?”
- “Love you honey. Do you feel like a lunch date or coffee?”
- “You’re amazing. I am so looking forward to your day not because of all the who – ha but simply because you’re my wife/daughter/daughter in law/friend. You’re so special to me and we are going to just celebrate and have a great day together.”
4. Help the bride to savour the season by breaking down the tasks over a period of time. 9 – 18 months is a great time frame to plan a wedding. You can allocate one job to each month and this way the bride’s stress levels remain lower. For example: One month is allocated to venue choice; another month to the invitations; another to choosing the wedding dress.
5. Tears often reflect the stress levels that the bride is experiencing and she needs support. Often they don’t want or need solutions they just need support.
Be aware of red flag days. The weekend before the wedding is often stressful. The bride begins to feel overwhelmed and anxious about everything that still has to be done. She is often tired having juggled work and planning. Be supportive, be present. By the Tuesday the bride reaches a great place in that perspective shifts. She no longer cares if everything is perfect she simply wants to get married. This is an important psychological shift that needs to happen.
6. Back biting and talking behind someone’s back will create a terrible atmosphere. It won’t build love and it certainly won’t de stress the bride. Parents set the tone of how you want your daughter treated with respect, kindness and love.
7. Pick your battles wisely. If she asks you to help her tie 100 ribbons around mini boxes of chocolates or macarons show up with a smile on your face and get busy. You have to expect to be a little inconvenienced. However, if she expects you to do it all on your own then you may need to speak up and ask for help.
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