I feel for mum’s of today….for the dads.
Incessantly worrying about how to be perfect.
Making their car their home, they literally run from thing to thing trying to raise this perfect child.
Momma’s worrying about perfect schools, perfect teachers and perfect education. I wonder when we bought the lie that perfect creates the best. Teachers are constantly watched, critiqued, stalked and analysed. Momma’s get tired from their constant vigilance, trying to be perfect.
Then there is the constant scrolling through social media, parenting sites looking for advice on behaviour. What are the best methods to discipline in this situation? How do I get my child to behave good all the time?
When the discipline advice doesn’t work there must be something wrong with my child so the professional box has to be consulted to find what’s wrong with my child. Endless appointments, endless consultations, endless unknowns.
What if the best for our kids had little to do with any of this but had a lot to do with a different kind of invitation. A different way of living and parenting.
I wonder what would happen if we trained from our heart.
Believed and trusted the love deep in our heart.
I wonder how it would feel if most of our parenting came not from conscious acts but rather out of a habit of relational intimacy.
Where words and example were used but, where we simply lived more then anything else.
Where we extended a daily invitation to the child to come live a certain kind of life. A life that you were already living and enjoying.
A living that was filled with love and affection rather than perfect and vigilance.
I think to live a life worth copying has little to do with advice giving, counselling or analysing. But rather through personal example and caring.
Every time I forgave my husband or others, I train my kids in the important stuff of life. Everybody needs to learn to forgive if they want to live life free.
Every time I fight and resolve conflict, I train my kids in the art of honesty, of dealing with stuff, of listening, understanding, negotiating.
I love others through acts of presence and kindness… I train my kids to have friends.
I choose loyalty when it would be easier to cut and run… I train my kids in loyalty.
When I invite people to gather at the table, to listen to their stories, I train my kids to be warm, accepting, loving and kind.
Every time I hit hard and have to enter into the land of hope I train my kids to have faith, to dig deep, to believe in what isn’t in existence yet.
The times I love those different to myself I train my kids to accept.
Every time I work on a character flaw, forgive myself and choose to grow personally, I train my kids.
To train a child is both harder and easier.
It’s harder because I can’t delegate it to school teachers, or society.
I can’t just pass on moral knowledge that was handed to me 20 years ago.
It’s easier because it simply requires that I engage with life and love in a way that is enticing for my children to want the life I’m living.
The thing about living is when it comes to kids and training, the conversation becomes quiet, and reflective..
I don’t have to bellow or yell.
The tone, the voice is always quiet and easy to go unnoticed. It can seem insignificant but every whisper plants a seed, gives an invitation to live bigger, to live more engaged.
The amazing thing is that when we are training a child into a certain life, conversations take place informally, any time and anywhere. Fleeting, impacting moments. Not necessarily conversations about right, wrong or perfect but, conversations about life and love and the good things of life.
It’s a warm whisper to come and live engaged with life and love.
My children are now adults.
There were many things I didn’t do that momma’s of today are doing.. but the one thing I think we did that brought laughter and joy to our life… was the invitation to simply come and live life.